brain articleHave you ever pondered what the science is behind the barely tangible, but extremely familiar daily experience of feeling emotions? Sometimes we feel these formless waves of inner communication so strongly that they seem to run the show. As a therapist I’m fascinated by the science of emotions.
In a recent article by Rick Hanson PhD, he shares some interesting information on the major brain regions that support our processing and experience of emotions. I’m going to give you a whistle stop tour of your brain, and the areas within it which influence our moods and feelings.
Our conscious experience of emotion is just the top layer of icing on a much bigger cake. It rests on many layers of neurological activity such as the firing of very complex and intertwining neural circuits and the tidal flows of neurotransmitters and hormones such as dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin.
So let’s look at the brain regions and their role in our emotional experience.

  • Hippocampus – This region helps store the contexts, especially visual-spatial ones, for important experiences, such as the smell of a predator or the look of an angry expression. It is necessary for forming personal memories of events, and is unfortunately damaged over time by the cortisol released by chronic stress, especially, high or even traumatic levels of stress. If you needed another good reason to resolve your stresses, and to take up meditation, then here you have it.
  • Amygdala – Connected to the hippocampus by the neural equivalent of a four-lane superhighway, this small, almond shaped region is particularly involved in the processing of information about threats. The subjective awareness of threat comes from the feeling of the experience when it is unpleasant. When the amygdala perceives a threat – whether an external stimulus like a car hurtling towards us at speed, or an internal one, such as suddenly remembering we are on a tight project deadline – the amygdala sends a jolt of alarm to the hypothalamus and other brain regions. It also triggers the ventral tegmentum, in the brain stem, to send dopamine to other areas of the brain, in order to sensitize them to the “red flag” information streaming through.
  • Hypothalamus – This is the major switchboard of the brain, involved in the regulation of basic bodily drives such as thirst and hunger. When it gets a “red flag” signal from the amygdala, it communicates to the pituitary gland to kick start the adrenals to release epinephrine and other stress hormones, to get the body ready for immediate Fight or Flight action, known as the Fight or Flight Response or the Stress Response. This very same activation of the Stress Response occurs not just when a wild tiger chases us through the woods, but also in a chronic and ongoing way to our ‘imagined’ threats and everyday stresses, like when our boss reprimands us, our deadlines get tight, or when we respond to internal mental events such as pain or anger etc.
  • Prefrontal Cortex This region is involved in anticipating the future, making plans, organizing action, monitoring results, changing plans, and settling conflicts between different goals. These are called the Executive Functions. Where emotion is concerned, the Prefrontal Cortex helps us to foresee the emotional rewards (or penalties) of different courses of action. It also inhibits emotional reactions. Many more nerve fibers head down from the Prefrontal Cortex to the Limbic System circuitry than in the other direction. The left side of the Prefrontal Cortex plays a special role in controlling negative emotion and aggression. For example, stroke victims whose left Prefrontal Cortex is damaged tend to become more irritable, distraught, and hostile. Activation of the left Prefrontal Cortex is associated with positive emotions, which, has been proven to be stimulated by long term meditation practice. Once again, just in case you needed any further motivation to meditate, you have it right here!
  • Anterior Cingulate Cortex – This sits in the middle of the brain, centrally located for communication with the Prefrontal Cortex and the Limbic System. It monitors conflicts between different potential objects of attention, for example ‘Should I notice the flowers in these bushes or that snake slithering toward me?’,  ‘Should I listen to my wife’s story or focus on this TV show?’. It flags these conflicts for resolution by the frontal lobes. Therefore, it lights up when we attend to emotionally relevant stimuli, or sustain our attention to important feelings – inside ourselves and other people – in the face of competing stimuli. In action, this would help us to read and sense emotions in others, instead of perhaps getting lured off track by their words which might attempt to contradict their true emotion.
  • Nucleus Accumbens – In conditions of emotional arousal, especially fear-related, the accumbens receives a major wake-up call of dopamine, which primes it to receive information coming from the amygdala and other regions. Consequently, the accumbens sends more intense signals to the brain relay station for the motor systems, which results in heightened behavioral activity. This system works for both negative and positive feelings. For example, the accumbens would light up if an addict were to see their drug or drink of choice.
  • Insula – The insula is involved in picking up the inner sensations of the body, the changes which come with different emotional states. It is the brain region which unlocks the deeper layers of your emotional life, and it is also key to empathy, to being able to sense the primary emotions in others, such as fear, pain, or disgust.

As a therapist and meditation coach I love to understand a little more about the inner mechanics of neural patterns, those very patterns, connections and brain regions which we are able to change for the better with effective therapy and meditation practices.
Neural plasticity is the term which is used by neuroscientists to describe the ever changing inner structure of connections and connectivity within the brain. The good news is, that your brain is not a genetically pre-determined lump of matter. It is plastic, and with the right guidance, interventions and practice, it can change in a way which results in more positive emotions, improved resilience, less stress, better concentration and quicker learning.
Lisa Bardell is a Performance Coach, NLP Master Coach, Clinical Hypnotherapist and Modern Meditation Coach running private clinics in the heart of the City of London ( Liverpool St ) and Cheshire, and Corporate Coaching Programmes for businesses in Manchester and London. Lisa leads regular Coaching Workshops and Retreats, tickets and details can be found in the Eventbrite link:

Weight Loss Secrets

What is the key to successful and sustainable weight loss? Most of my clients who want to work with me to lose weight, to change their eating habits, or to resolve a relationship with food which feels completely out of control, ask for more willpower. That is what they believe they truly need, and a good dose of extra willpower will sort out all their food, eating and therefore weight issues. So is that it? Is weight gain, over-eating and bingeing all a simple matter of being weak willed? Well, there is more to it than that. Willpower – or resisting that which is it hard to say NO to –  is NOT the only focus during therapy courses to help with weight loss, or to remedy poor eating habits. Willpower is only ever a temporary strategy which fatigues like a muscle…
Let’s look at the bigger picture when it comes to really working successfully with clients who want to lose weight, and keep it off. Enlisting the help of a hypnotherapist can be the difference that really makes the difference for many clients, after years of weight gain, and very limited success at losing weight which then just seems to pile back on faster than ever. If you are reading because this resonates with you, it’s likely that some of the below will be familiar:

  • A sense of ongoing struggle to lose weight and keep it off.
  • Food cravings, constant thoughts of food, diet, figure.
  • Overeating, not controlling portions, not knowing when you are full, or eating when you know you are full.
  • Eating to feel better in times of stress or emotional strain, using food as a treat or reward.
  • No energy or motivation to exercise.
  • Poor body image – feeling unattractive, withdrawn, depressed about your weight.
  • Feeling stressed and managing a stressful life, juggling and keeping people happy.

The effect of stress

Firstly let’s look at the role of stress and negative emotion in weight gain. The talk of stress has become part of everyday life for many of us. There are many ways to work on managing stress, and resolving negative emotions, but this is particularly important in relation to clients who struggle to lose weight and keep it off, because stress effects the physiology of our whole body and plays havoc with our metabolism and appetite. The effect of stress on our systems creates all the wrong conditions for weight loss and emotional well-being. In fact instead it leads us to hold on to calories or gain weight. The more stressed you are about your life, relationships or your work, the more difficult it will be to lose weight, and the more negative emotion you will need to ‘soothe and comfort’ with food. Ironically the more stressed and upset you are about your weight and your body, the more you are likely to hold on to weight and slow your metabolism down.
The stress hormone cortisol causes fatigue in the adrenal glands, which is likely to lead to

  • Cravings.
  • Increased appetite.
  • Irregular appetite.
  • Fatigue and poor sleep.
  • Slow metabolism.
  • Weight gain around the middle and abdomen.

When working with my clients who want to lose weight and change a dysfunctional relationship with food, we always work on resolving the stress and the negative emotion FIRST. The first port of call for all clieats is to help them feel OK, positive and resourceful,  just as they are. The more a client depends and ‘needs’ weight loss or any change in their body or their lives, as their ONLY way to feel good – the more they get locked into patterns of downward spiralling emotion and despair, which is painful and fuels the very problems they are trying to fix. 
Some people choose to comfort or soothe pain with alcohol, some choose exercise, some gambling, some sex or sexual attention, some spend lots of money, some book facials, treatments or spa weekends. We all tend to have our own range of go-to strategies to pick us up when we feel down – with clients who binge or overeat, food has become their strategy.

The science of weight loss therapy

Neural-plasticity is the term we use to explain the brain’s natural ability to change and make new connections and pathways. It explains how people are able to make extraordinary changes in the way they think, feel and behave after therapy.
If we allow the brain to be in a different, specific state, it learns that state, and finds it much easier to get back to it again through the pathways which have already been created.
Hypnosis, NLP and EFT collapse any old neural pathways in the brain which are behind the old thoughts, feelings and behaviour patterns towards food, eating and health. In turn through specific techniques and skilful language patterns, the skilled therapist will guide each client to form new pathways and patterns in the brain which are in line with all the changes they want, the changes that are going to make a sustainable difference to their weight, health and emotional comfort.

Willpower and the brain

During client sessions I focus on the three components of willpower, which correspond with three different areas of the brain within the pre-frontal cortex, which is found just behind the forehead.

  • Right side – “I WON’T” – This area is responsible for our ability to stop doing something, which is not useful or in line with our goals. You can fill in the gaps here with your own story!
  • Left side – “I WILL” – This area is responsible for our ability to find motivation to do something, stick at it, stay on track even when it gets a bit tough, boring or inconvenient. I will leave these examples to your imagination…( who mentioned ‘treadmill’?)
  • Underneath – “I WANT” – This area is responsible for our ability to have a really clear idea of what we want, what the point is, the bigger picture, why our goals are so important to us. This area keeps us in touch with remembering what we care about most…Health. Comfort. Vitality. Longevity. Wardrobe options. Feeling great about ourselves and our bodies! This is a very important area to work on.

With all of these lines of communication in the brain strengthened both inside and between each specific area, can you already see how that old idea of needing strong willpower becomes less of an issue?
With these brain changes in place, it naturally becomes easier to make good intentional choices.
Willpower implies that there is a constant and challenging struggle, that staying on track is going to be hard, a battle we must be strong to win. Is this what it’s all about? Thankfully not! Once the root cause issues are fully resolved, the old patterns and dependancies ( whatever they are ) just fall away, like a layer of skin ready to shed – like something which is no longer needed, which no longer fits.
Success and sustainable change is simply a matter of therapeutically re-wiring our unconscious patterns and neural pathways in a new and more useful way. A way that is aligned with the “I want”. That is what Hypnosis, NLP and EFT are so brilliant at helping with – getting into those deeper layers of the unconscious or subconscious programming, and influencing change where it is needed.
If you are undecided whether to invest in the help of an expert practitioner to tackle your goals, here are some great tips for you tackling it alone:
Before you begin taking action to lose weight, apply yourself to this exercise in full in preparation to do it more easily

  • Really identify what you want in detail, get in touch with it – The “I WANT”
  • Express that in positives, so it really is about what you want e.g., health, freedom to make healthy choices, fitness, comfort in my clothes, wardrobe and style choices, energy, focuS.
  • AVOID negative language, even if it is internal chatter, is activating the most unhelpful neural pathways in your brain for the job in hand. The power of words and language is immense, so choose it wisely to activate helpful neurology!
  • What will achieving your goals give you – in positives.
  • How will it feel – How will you look – What will people say to you – What will you be saying to yourself?
  • Have reminders of your goal around if that helps – photos, outfits, holidays, wedding dates – whatever makes it real and keeps it in your awareness
  • Buddy up and have support from others  – but keep the talk positive!
  • Plan and organize – shopping, schedules, recipes, Tupperware…think ahead so you create healthy choices for yourself and avoid getting hungry – that’s when the internal saboteur kicks in.
  • How do you need to be feeling, what states are most useful? Confident, focussed, motivated, calm, positive?
  • Choose a couple of useful emotional states and IMMERSE yourself in them, by remembering times when you felt like that before. See, hear, feel – get fully in touch with the emotion, and allow your brain to just naturally make these connections.
  • The brain doesn’t know the difference between imagining yourself in to a positive emotional state, or whether it arrived organically – YOUR BRAIN DOES NOT CARE!! It fires together all the confident, calm, positive neurons, and they then wire together – just like re-wiring your brain for success. Clever eh?

Some practical tips

  • Practice simple paced breathing before eating (or any time you want to relax)  or during cravings – If you focus your attention on taking deep slow breaths, and allow your out-breath to be longer than your in-breath ( in for the count of 5/6 out for the count of 7/8 ) The vagus nerve responds by putting the body into the ‘relaxation response’ which allows you better digestion, faster metabolic rate, better decision making to have your actions around food fully aligned with your goals.
  • Mindful eating  – Enjoy the sight and the smell of your food. Enjoy each mouthful slowly, savouring the taste and texture. Eat slowly, taking breaks to put your cutlery down, stay in touch with the signals from your gut which tell your brain you are full and satisfied.
  • Allow you brain and body time and space to ENJOY and take PLEASURE from food.

If you would like to read more about me, or my Specialist Weight Loss & Disordered Eating Therapy, the link below might be of interest. I work one to one from my private clinics in Cheshire and London, or over Skype. 

Christmas is just one month away, and with all the planning, preparation, shopping, wrapping and deadlines that will fly by.
We are supposed to love Christmas right? Good will to all men yes? Cosy family gatherings filled with love and warmth?…..
Hang on – reality check. Fact: Christmas is the most stressful time of year for many, and often leads to a toxic festive cocktail of fears, fatigue, guilt, comparison and self criticism…An emotional hangover. Not to mention the need for a harsh New Year regime to remedy all those perceived wrongs, shortfalls and excesses.
So here is my guide, or to be more accurate, here is my suggested approach with 5 Top Tips to help you cultivate the best inner environment to make space for some festive joy and Christmas sparkle.


We focus so much of our thinking, time and energy on to what / who we DON’T like, what we DON’T want, what we DON’T have and what we CAN’T do – Negative mental activity. And this is a major cause of stress, dissatisfaction and a busy mind which just will not slow down or switch off.
So SWITCH your focus, RE-DIRECT your attention to what you are grateful for, and appreciative of. Instead of comparing yourself and your circumstances unfavourably, CHOOSE to nurture and cherish what is good. There is always something to be grateful for. Wake up each morning and fairly early in your routine write 3 things that you are grateful for that day….A car which gets you from A to B – A friend who listens – A warm cardi on a cold day – A smile from a family member – 2 legs which carry you around – A hot shower – A beautifully wrapped pressie – A hot meal on the table……..Anything, large or small.


For centuries we thought our brain was the body’s command centre, but recent research suggests that the heart has much more influence than we thought. For example, did you know that your heart connects and communicates with other organs not only through blood circulation but also through an electromagnetic field? The heart’s electromagnetic field is 60 times more powerful than the brain’s.
The Institute of Heartmath are a group of dedicated scientists who are researching the heart, and it’s role in emotional and physical wellbeing. Their research has shown that our hearts can help us overcome depression, anxiety, insomnia and many other physical and mental illnesses. And interestingly, we can connect to other human beings by the frequencies sent through our hearts!

  • Direct your attention in to your heart centre ( just like if I asked you to direct your attention to your right foot, you would suddenly be more aware of your right foot, even though it had been there all along )
  • From here, imagine someone you love or who is dear to you, it could be a pet or a person ( just get a sense of them, you don’t have to actually fully visualize them, as some people are not so visual – it is the INTENTION of imagining the person which is the most important. It might help to close your eyes )
  • Allow yourself to notice your sense of connection to that person whilst keeping your attention in your heart centre. Almost like you are observing them from your heart
  • Send your loving intention to them, imagine you can radiate your love for them outwards from your heart
  • Envelop them in this love, and as you do this, notice if this love has a colour
  • Notice what you can be aware of in the other person as they absorb all the love. How do they look?

This tip can help us to produce the feel good hormone Oxytocin, which makes us feel connected and calm and is a great antidote to stress. Oxytocin also opens up our blood capillaries, which reduces blood pressure and inflammation in the body, and in turn boosts the immune system ( ref: David Hamilton PhD’s book ‘Why Kindness is Good For You’ ). Do this daily.
You can also do this with eyes open when you are actually with a person, it can help to strengthen bonds and a mutual sense of connection. It can also help us to accept and be less judgemental if there is something that person does or says which annoys us. In fact, over the festive period, if you anticipate someone will stress you out, you can practice this exercise in advance and it will subtly but powerfully adjust your energetic communication towards them for the better.


Spend 5-10 minutes twice a day practicing this simple meditation to help you still your mind, master your attention and calm your nervous system

  • Direct your attention into your heart centre
  • As you breathe imagine that each breath is coming directly in to your heart centre, and out of it as you breathe out
  • Breathe in fully and slowly
  • Breathe out fully with a long, slow out breath
  • Stay focused on your breathing, you can even make a count of one, each time you finish an out breath
  • If you lose your focus or your mind drifts off into activity again, simply start over again and return your attention to your heart centre and to your breathing
  • Your mind will wander, that’s fine and normal, so there’s no need to berate yourself or get frustrated, just keeping gently returning your focus
  • It is like a mini ‘training programme’ for your attention – each time it wanders off and you have realized, you just guide it back. A little like puppy training for your mind. Gentle guidance


Become aware of your self-talk. By being more aware and waking up to our inner dialogue, we can become conscious OF what we used to be unconscious TO! We may discover we talk to ourselves in a way we would be ashamed of talking to someone else!!

“What we are aware of we can control. What we are not yet aware of can control us” – Anthony De Mello

  • Take on the role of your own mentor or coach, someone who loves and unconditionally supports you. Maybe a little like how you would be with a younger brother or sister
  • Catch yourself talking or commenting in an unsupportive way and STOP
  • Direct your attention to your heart centre, practice a little slow breathing into your heart centre
  • Allow the coach / mentor / supporter to speak. Be gentle, encouraging and kind

Resolving stress and choosing a calm response is simply about breaking some old patterns, and collapsing down the old neurological pathways which used to run that stress pattern for you unconsciously. With a little intention and commitment this is surprisingly easy, and with regularity and awareness it acts like a re-wiring of the brain, with the new wiring being more supportive and calming.
Be kind to yourself every day as often as you can, when you realize you were about to criticize yourself, compare yourself unfavourably or beat yourself up.


In the same way as we can re-wire old neurological pathways of negative self talk, we can actually learn to have fingertip control of our emotional state. A bit like having a magic remote control, we can change channel and choose which emotional programme we want.

  • Immerse yourself in an emotional state from the past, from a memory – let’s say a time when you were calm, or confident or happy. Really take in the moment through your senses as if it’ s happening right now.
  • Notice what you can see, hear and feel
  • Set an anchor point on your body, maybe squeezing finger and thumb together, or touching your thumb inside the palm of your hand
  • Use this anchor point when you are in the calmest, or most powerful parts of the memory, in the sensations in your body – you will know when that is. Don’t try to figure out how to do it right, just allow your imagination to do what it is designed to do
  • Your brain will make neural connections, it will learn this state of calm or confidence, it does not differentiate between a real event or an imagined one. Neurons in the brain will fire together, and will then wire together ( re-wire ) regardless of whether this event really happened or not. Clever eh?
  • Practice, practice, practice – getting in to these useful imagined states. Practice squeezing your fingers or palm in the same place as you immerse yourself. Within a short space of time, just like Pavlov’s famous dogs who were ‘conditioned’ to salivate at the sound of a bell. You can recreate your useful state just from the squeezing, it sets off a neurological short-cut, just like a button on the remote. Fingertip control!

This will allow you to sail through Christmas, to navigate through New Year with ease. You can choose your emotional state, and any time you need a little boost, a little more calm or confidence, you just get out your remote control, squeeze the buttons and you can simply flood your neurology, and your physiology with more of what you want.
Remember, Christmas is really just your life under the microscope – relationships – deadlines – expectations – money – organization – lifestyle – self  talk……
If you adopt my CALM approach for LIFE, not for just for Christmas, who knows what Christmases of the future may hold….?
Reach me on
Read more blog posts on
Read client testimonials on

The UK’s biggest ever online test into stress

The BBC’s Lab UK and the University of Liverpool, have revealed that rumination is the biggest predictor of the most common mental health problems in the country.
It’s official! Dwelling on the past and predicting the future can predispose you to Stress, Anxiety and Depression.
The BBC News Magazine online, reported the study last year. Whilst psychologists agree that a little self-reflection can be a good thing, it has now been shown that when introspection goes awry and thoughts get stuck on repeat, playing over and over in the mind it leads to emotional and mental health issues of all kinds.
The new research has demonstrated the scale of negative impact which the ruminating thinking style carries.

Psychological response

The ground-breaking study, published in the journal ‘PLOS ONE’, suggests that brooding too much on negative events is the biggest predictor of depression and anxiety and determines the level of stress people experience. The research even suggests a person’s psychological response is a more important factor than what has actually happened to them.
A total of 32,827 people from 172 countries took part in the online stress test devised by the BBC’s Lab UK and psychologists at the University of Liverpool, making it the biggest study of its kind ever undertaken in the UK.
Peter Kinderman, who led the study and is a professor of clinical psychology at the University of Liverpool says “We found that people who didn’t ruminate or blame themselves for their difficulties had much lower levels of depression and anxiety, even if they’d experienced many negative events in their lives”.
“Dwelling on negative thoughts and self blame have previously been recognised as important when it comes to mental health, but not to the extent this study has shown. The findings suggest both are crucial psychological pathways to depression and anxiety.”

Life events

Traumatic life events, such as abuse or childhood bullying, were the biggest cause of anxiety and depression when dwelled upon. But importantly, these events in themselves do not cause depression and anxiety. The influence that these events bear on future mental health and emotional issues, is in leading a person to ruminate on what has happened.
These findings show us how psychological response styles in themselves are causal and integral to the development of problems or later diagnoses, and that people do not merely become ill and then show changes in their psychology as a result.

Is there something we can do to stop rumination?

Indeed there is….
Meditation is a simple practice, which teaches us mastery over our own attention. If we ruminate and over-think, we are unconsciously giving all of our attention to our minds. In brain terms the area of activity is in the Posterior Cinglate Cortex – which is like our ‘self-referential’ thinking default network.
Unbeknown to most of us, our brains can easily be trained, in fact totally re-wired, to quiet down this area of the brain, in order that we can experience ‘effortless awareness’. Our minds can be the most brilliant tool, but sometimes we can end up getting used and abused BY our minds. Meditation helps us to train our attention and reclaim our power over our attention and our thoughts.
Scientific research into people who meditate discovered there were dramatic physiological changes versus non-meditators. MRI scanning has allowed science to look at the brain in a way which was not possible previously. Modern research has looked at how meditation changes the structure of the brain, something which it has always done since it’s origins, but which had not been measured until the last decade.

What goes on in the brain?

The amygdala is the part of the brain which produces the Stress Response. Recent research by neuroscientist Dr Sarah Lazar, Assistant Professor in Psychology at Harvard Medical School, and associate researcher in Psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital, has shown that with regular meditation, the amygdala gets ‘turned down’ and shrinks, it gets quieter in a way which is consistent with decreased arousal and greater feelings of peace.
What’s interesting is that in the study the external life of the participants had not changed at all, it was simply their response to their external ‘stressors’ which changed. Reducing stress and anxiety need not be about changing your life, it is about changing your relationship to your life.

Mind Calm Meditation

If you would like to learn Mind Calm Meditation with me, get in touch. It is a simple, modern and highly effective technique created by best selling author, acclaimed meditation teacher and award winning trainer Sandy C. Newbigging. I have been trained personally by Sandy to teach this method and I offer it as one to one coaching or in group workshops.
Take a look at these pages of my website for all of the information you will need. Or book onto one of my UK Mind Calm ‘Serenity & Success Workshops’ – These ever more popular events have been selling out all over the UK since June 2014, with a growing audience and word of mouth spreading the tangible, achievable and LIFE CHANGING benefits which clients experience within a matter of weeks of being taught this transformational technique. READ MORE OR BOOK HERE: – 

Some of us wear Stress like a badge of honour

stressStress has become such an overused word in our day to day language, and this normalisation has distracted us from the inconvenient truth about its physiological, psychological and emotional toxic load. It’s time to wake up…..Ignore this at your peril!
I wrote this article for National Stress Awareness Day last year, 5th November 2014. It presents you my take on the modern Science of Stress – and the latest research which supports how a practice  which has been around for centuries is increasingly being seen as ‘cutting edge’  solution….

What is Stress?

Stress is caused by the activation of the Stress Response also known as the Fight or Flight Response, it is designed to get us out of danger – it can be thought of as a turbo boost of energy, like the body going into a different gear to prepare us to have the strength and energy to fight, or to flee from threat. Our ancestors would have used it to survive from predators or danger. It revs up the body like this:

  • Increases heart rate and blood pressure
  • Dilates blood vessels to muscles to pump through sugars and fats
  • Kickstarts the respiratory drive so we start to sweat to keep ourselves cool
  • Thickens the blood
  • Pumps out inflammatory chemicals to activate our immune cells ready for tissue repair if we get wounded in fight or in escape

It is a major physiological, neurological, immunological and metabolic event! It effects changes throughout our whole system.
Clearly, it is an evolutionary adaptation designed to help us respond to a clearly perceived present moment threat, to save our lives….

So what’s gone awry?

Well put simply, as modern humans we are too ‘clever’ for our own good. Now what happens on a weekly, if not daily basis, is that our cognitive function works against us. Our ability to think, to analyse, recall the past and predict the future is what causes us stress.
Our everyday thoughts cause our stress. They do so in a way that physiologically is as ‘real’ as if we were genuinely having to escape a wild, hungry tiger, an axe wielding intruder, or a high speed bus with failed breaks…

What drives or produces our stressy thoughts?

Let’s look at some Psychology. If we break the human experience down into very simple terms, we have three important ‘need systems’ which we are driven to meet.

  • 1/ Safety – This is the drive to feel safe and secure in order that we can experience peacefulness.
  • 2/ Satisfaction – This is the drive to seeking rewards in order that we can experience contentment.
  • 3/ Connection – This is the drive to seeking attachment in order that we can experience feelings of love.

These three need systems and their respective drives influence our behaviours in two ways….Firstly ‘avoiding’ behaviours so we can avoid pain, harm and danger. Secondly ‘approaching’ behaviours so we can illicit rewards and pleasure.
If one or more need system is not being met, we activate the Stress Response.
We might consider the constant activation of the response as a modern violation of the evolutionary model, where the Stress Response was designed to come in short bursts. Today, sadly it has become a chronic and ongoing reaction.

So how does this effect us?

Well the emotional and psychological effects are broad ranging, any of the below might be what you would notice in yourself or others:

  • Lack of concentration
  • Poor decision making
  • Creative blocks
  • Worrying
  • Negative thinking
  • Mood swings
  • Lack of motivation
  • Frustration and irritability
  • Tearfulness

We have all been there!
Physically there’s a whole other batch of symptoms, due to what science terms the Allostatic Load, this is the bodily wear and tear that becomes a burden on our physical as well as mental health due to our natural ‘Adaptive Responses’ to external perceived stressors getting worn out, and simply shutting off.

  • Aches and pains
  • Muscle tension and teeth grinding
  • Frequent colds and infections
  • Allergies and skin irritations
  • IBS
  • Weight gain
  • Indigestion and heartburn
  • Dizziness and palpitations
  • Tiredness and fatigue
  • Insomnia
  • Memory loss due to shrinkage of the Hippocampus
  • High blood pressure

All in all it’s rather unpleasant, but more importantly in the long term this toxic load causes inflammation in our internal environment, and taxes the immune system very heavily meaning we succumb to illness and chronic disease as the body’s self healing mechanism gets switched off.

Please say there’s some good news!

Indeed there is….What science has now shown us, is that once we learn how to switch off the Stress Response, when it is not necessary, we can reverse all of the effects of stress right through the body, at a cellular level, and throughout the brain as well.
The major breakthrough in this understanding came from Herbert Benson MD, who discovered that the body has a capacity for an opposite response to the Stress Response, which works as an antidote to it, it is called the Relaxation Response.

Ok, how do we do it?

There’s a really simple solution which will only take 15-20 minutes of your day, and it has been around for over 2000 years! Meditation is the answer
Scientific research into people who meditate discovered there were dramatic physiological changes versus non-meditators:

  • Decreased metabolism
  • Quieting of the body
  • Decreased heart rate
  • Slower breathing rate
  • Slower brainwaves

All of the above are integral to the Relaxation Response, and these studies allowed it to became recognized by science, it was measurable, predictable and reproducible.
MRI scanning has allowed science to look at the brain in a way which was not possible previously. Modern research has looked at how meditation changes the structure of the brain, something which it has always done since it’s origins, but which had not been measured until the last decade.

What goes on in the brain?

The amygdala is the part of the brain which produces the Stress Response. Recent research by neuroscientist Dr Sarah Lazar, Assistant Professor in Psychology at Harvard Medical School, and associate researcher in Psychiatry at Massachusetts Genera Hospital, has shown that with regular meditation, the amygdala gets ‘turned down’ and shrinks, it gets quieter in a way which is consistent with decreased arousal and greater feelings of peace.
What’s interesting is that in the study the external life of the participants had not changed at all, it was simply their response to their external ‘stressors’ which changed. Reducing stress is not about changing your life, it is about changing your relationship to your life. Simple!

Mind Calm Meditation

If you would like to learn Mind Calm Meditation with me, get in touch. It is a simple, modern and highly effective technique created by best selling author, acclaimed meditation teacher and award winning trainer Sandy C. Newbigging. I have been trained personally by Sandy to teach this method and I offer it as One to One coaching or in Group Workshops.
Take a look at these pages of my website for all of the information you will need. Or book on to one of my UK Mind Calm Workshops which take place most Saturdays all over the country:
Workshops –
Retreats –
Mind Calm Information and Testimonials –
Corporate Coaching Programmes –
Lisa Bardell is a Performance Coach, NLP Master Coach, Clinical Hypnotherapist and Modern Meditation Coach running private clinics in the heart of the City of London ( Liverpool St ) and Cheshire, and Corporate Coaching Programmes for businesses in Manchester and London. Lisa leads regular Coaching Workshops and Retreats, tickets and details can be found in the Eventbrite link:

Meditation is getting more and more coverage for personal development, stress reduction, managing emotions and even for peak performance in business. The evidence base for how it works to actually change the brain has been established for a while now, but research and interest is continuing.
Mind Calm
The US are leading the way in incorporating Meditation practices into the office environment. Google have a designated ‘Head of Mindfulness’ role, filled currently by Chade-Meng Tan, to help guide their personnel on their journeys to inner peace whilst helping them to show up for work and bring their most resourceful, dynamic and creative selves to the party.
As with lots of science, the growing evidence base in support of Meditation, is merely catching up with ancient wisdom. Meditation practices have been around for thousands of years, and in terms of the brain, physical health and emotional wellbeing, Meditation has always worked the same way.

Reason 1/ ………The Science What’s changed?

What has changed is that neuroscience researchers became interested in studying the effects of Meditation, and neural imaging technology became advanced enough to actually measure the changes in the brain. SO suddenly the ears of the rational science types ( a bit like me! ) were pricking up left right and centre, as Meditation made the transition from ‘New Age’ and ‘Woo Woo’ to a serious and credible intervention to help people change or ‘re-wire’ the human brain for success, improved emotional wellbeing and a deeper sense of contentment. Of course all of these outcomes have a huge impact on our overall health.

Reason 2/ ………Resolving Stress

The biggest ‘win’ if you are to put it in broad terms, is that Meditation is a highly effective ‘de-stressor’. Stress, as you probably know causes illness, and disease through creating an inflammatory and toxic environment at a cellular level. It’s pretty much impossible to remain sustainably well with a toxic physiological state which science calls the Allostatic Load. And on the other hand it is perfectly possible to remain in a state of vitality and wellness if these inner ‘toxic’ conditions for the cells of our body are transformed. Bruce Lipton PhD, Professor of Anatomy, researcher at Stanford University Medical Center, author of ‘The Biology of Belief’ and leader in the emerging science field of Epigenetics, left one of his teaching posts in the 1960’s when his research proved that the medical establishment had been getting it wrong. He discovered that it is the cellular environment, which creates either dis-ease or wellness in the human body, NOT the genes. He believes that stress, negative emotions and limiting beliefs create a toxic environment for cells and cause illness and dis-ease. This truth is all the more empowering for us as individuals, as we can play with the possibility that WE actually have a guiding hand in creating an optimal cellular environment – rather than believing we are passive ‘victims’ to the genetic round of cards we have been dealt!……We have a CHOICE. And Meditation is one of those practices which helps us make this choice through resolving stress.
The amygdala is the part of the brain which produces the Stress Response. Recent research by neuroscientist Dr Sarah Lazar, Assistant Professor in Psychology at Harvard Medical School, and associate researcher in Psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital, has shown that with regular meditation, the amygdala gets ‘turned down’ and shrinks, it gets quieter in a way which is consistent with decreased arousal and greater feelings of peace.
What’s interesting is that in the study the external life of the participants had not changed at all, it was simply their response to their external ‘stressors’ which changed. Reducing stress is not about changing your life, it is about changing your relationship to your life. Simple!

Reason 3/…….Thoughts ARE Allowed!!!

Contrary to popular misconception, Mind Calm Meditation does NOT require you to have to stop all your thoughts. Having thoughts does not mean you have failed. Granted there are many forms of meditation, and I will admit that from what I have heard from a bunch of experienced meditators, some forms are rather more ‘regimented’ than others in the practice of actually trying to stop thoughts. Mind Calm Meditation allows thoughts, emotions and sensations without trying to stop them. Peace or calm, which is often one of the desired outcomes from Meditation, is not about the absence of thoughts or emotions – rather it is experiencing ‘peace with thoughts and emotions’. Many people I have taught Mind Calm to had previously struggled to meditate, they felt frustrated or fidgety and experienced what seemed like millions of thoughts after attempting to ‘stop’ their thoughts. The good news is, you don’t have to!

Reason 4/……It prevents brain draining energy

Whilst thoughts are allowed, of course ‘stillness’ of mind is ultimately the point of learning Meditation. But what’s the point of stillness I hear you ask, and what’s so bad about having a busy mind in the first place, isn’t it just normal in today’s busy world?
Well, yes indeed it has become ‘normal’, but that’s not to say that it is helpful in any way. If we think of the brain as a electrical appliance ( it is constantly creating electrical brain wave activity after all ), we can explore what happens with the busy mind and how it affects the body. In our normal waking state we will be primarily in a Beta brainwave state, which is associated with a heightened state of alertness and focused concentration ranging from 12Hz to 40Hz. The higher up this frequency range we go, the busier our minds become and this leads to intrusive thoughts, over-thinking, stress and anxiety. Of course as if that is not unpleasant enough, it is also draining our brains and our bodily systems of precious energy, rather like having the electric heater on at the height of summer with all the windows open.
It’s fine to waste energy every now and again, but when this level of energy draining becomes routine, it depletes energy levels and we can feel physically and mentally fatigued, but that is still only half the story. The effects of that, mean that the active process of healing, which our body is designed to do perfectly well to keep us healthy and vital, becomes totally neglected. Our immune systems get bogged down and we get ill, and begin setting ourselves up for ‘dis-ease’ in the long term.
Meditation gets us into the lower brainwave states of Alpha  and Theta. Alpha brainwaves are slower in frequency and represent a state of relaxed mental awareness or reflection. They are typically associated with contemplation, visualization, problem solving and accessing deeper levels of creativity. The Alpha brainwave state corresponds to frequencies ranging from 8 Hz to 12 Hz.
Theta brainwaves are even slower in frequency and represent a state of deep relaxation, enhanced creativity, stress relief, light sleep and dreaming. Theta brainwave states have been used in meditation for centuries. Research has proven thirty minutes a day of Theta meditation can dramatically improve a person’s overall health and wellbeing. Theta meditation has also been known to cause the need for less sleep. The Theta brainwave state corresponds to frequencies ranging from 4Hz to 8 Hz.

Reason 5/……It is the gateway to our ‘subconscious programming’ allowing us to make changes that stick!

All of our conditioning, our early programming, our limiting beliefs and our habits live in our subconscious minds. We don’t really have a gateway into our subconscious minds until we get down into a Theta brainwave state. This explains why some of you might have tried ‘positive thinking’ or affirmations whilst wide awake in a Beta wave state – often it doesn’t stick! Without a strategy which opens the gates to the subconscious programming and the home of our ‘life limiting beliefs’ ( Hypnotherapy, EFT /Tapping or Meditation ) we may find our attempts to install any new, positive programming a little futile. The odds are stacked against our efforts if we hold some opposing ‘beliefs’ deep in our ‘subconscious mind’. The subconscious mind is in charge, it is the MUCH larger and more powerful processing system compared to the ‘conscious mind’. The subconscious runs 95-99% of the show, and the conscious is always running about half a second behind, making a best guess as to what is actually going on ( and often making a logical and analytical ‘story’ to make rational sense of what might be going on, which does not reflect the deep, subconscious reality ).
When we adopt a regular Meditation practice, if it includes setting positive ‘intentions or affirmations’, we are doing so whilst in a lower brainwave state, with the subconscious mind as well as the conscious mind. This combined effect, coupled with the regularity of the new ‘idea’ or intention, can become infinitely more likely to manifest in our daily experience.

Mind CALM…..

Mind Calm is the Meditation technique that I practice. I also teach it in Workshops and One to Ones.
I have personally found Mind Calm to be the easiest and most enjoyable technique. This has also been reflected back in client feedback and testimonials ( read these on my website pages listed below ). The easier and more enjoyable the technique, of course the longer we spend doing it to reap the wonderful rewards.
Mind Calm requires…..No jargon, no rituals, no strict rules, no uncomfortable sitting positions AND absolutely NO judgement as to where you’re at. Just a simple, easy to learn and fun way to enjoy more serenity and success in daily life.
Mind Calm Meditation provides practical techniques that allow you to let go of the constant chatter happening in your mind. In doing so, Mind Calm Meditation can help you:

  • Worry less
  • Sleep better
  • Improve your Relationships
  • Live more fully in the Present Moment
  • Reach your Full Potential in your career
  • Sharpen your Focus & Memory
  • Flourish Creatively
  • Feel more CALM
  • Boost inner Confidence
  • Experience deep Contentment & Satisfaction

Take a look at these pages of my website for all of the information you will need. Or book onto one of my UK Mind Calm Workshops which take place most Saturdays all over the country. One to One bespoke Mind Calm Coaching can also be arranged in London, Cheshire, or via Skype.

We’ve all been there….The e-mails keeping pinging in, the to-do list becomes a whole notebook, people need deadlines met, and you just don’t know where to start!
Getting overwhelmed in busy and demanding working environments is a very common problem, and one which can be easily resolved with a coach. No matter how impossible or Herculean your tasks may seem.
If you are tackling this issue without a practitioner, here are some useful and practical tips you can take to get a new perspective and restore clarity to take action.

  • Switch off your Computer and your phone, at least for an hour or two, to allow yourself to re-focus and take a step back.
  • Review your boundaries and say NO. Practice saying no or giving realistic timescales to ease the sense of time pressure and give yourself  some space to think.  Autopilot ‘people pleasing’ creates unnecessary stress, but is a habit that can be easily changed.
  • Cancel and reschedule. Have your diary working for you, not against you.
  • Take action. With your head in a better space, pull out what needs attention right now and commit to doing it. Having your list and your head free of these points will ease that previous sense of pressure even further.
  • Brain rehearse. Get you and your brain into ‘useful’ states, remember and re-live times when you were calm, resourceful, tenacious, got great feedback. Review all your successes and strengths. Do this regularly! Your brain doesn’t know the difference in you ‘imagining and remembering’,  or actually doing,  it complies by activating powerful neurological pathways in your brain which help you get into the right state of mind for the job.
  • Set realistic goals. Connect with your exciting future and progression by setting long term goals, with actions which can be ‘chunked down’ into small achievable steps. Be realistic about what is involved and how long things take to avoid over committing with a fear of under delivering.
  • Plan something fun or relaxing. Nothing to do with work, something for you or the family that will bring you joy and have you absorbed in the moment, or relaxed and calm.
  • Breathe! I mean really breathe……..If you get into a routine of practicing ‘paced breathing’ at regular intervals throughout the day ( preferably away from your desk ), just a few minutes of deep slow breathing, with the out breath a couple of counts LONGER than the in-breath, as if my magic your vagus nerve will respond by putting your body into a mini ‘relaxation response’ the physiological antidote to the ‘stress response’. The focus and attention also acts like a mini meditation practice, and has you in the present moment, focused on your body, rather than up in your head focused on thoughts.
  • Remember we ‘create’ stress. Aside from getting us out of the way of real threat and danger ( which let’s face it is very rare in day to day life! ) we actually create our stress by our thoughts, and then our thoughts trigger the sympathetic nervous system to respond to ‘imagined’ threat, in same way as if we were escaping a wild lion. We do have a choice in how we respond to ‘stressors’. And if we practice being ‘aware’ when we are racing off into unproductive thinking, which might involve catastrophising what might happen, or dwelling on what already has happened – we can bring ourselves back to the present moment, and recover our calm and focus.

If you would like some help, contact me via the website contact page I would highly recommend you also take a look at my Mind Calm ‘Workshops’ page, and click through to Eventbrite to secure your place on one of the transformational workshops across the UK.

Did you know you other people’s stress is contagious? You may have heard the term ‘secondhand stress’ already….

Secondhand stress is the stress we experience from being around other people who are stressed. Seeing others under stress or in distress triggers our own stress response. Neuroscientists have measured neural activity in the brains of observers. When they observe an emotional response in others, their brains ‘light up’ with a ‘mirroring’ of electrical activity in the same areas of the brain. In fact the neurons involved have been named ‘mirror neurons’ for that very reason!
This mirrored, or secondhand stress can then become a physiological state, in the observer in the same way as it would for the person actually experiencing the emotion for themselves ( albeit less intense ).
top tips

Can we still empathise without taking on others stress?

We can’t control life, so inevitably we will be around other people who are stressed and not coping, In our relationships and jobs, sometimes we don’t have the choice to remove ourselves and it is not appropriate to do so. In these instances there are some useful guidelines as to how to strike a balance

  • Listen and Acknowledge – do this without ‘going into the pit’ with your friend or colleague. When we are stressed, we want to be heard, maybe even want to ‘vent our spleen’. Take a few moments to be present, listen and show that you’re listening without stepping in with opinions, advise or taking sides or reinforcing the emotional content.
  • Remember – Don’t Gossip – don’t get drawn in or ask questions about the details, or who did what etc, even if it is interesting!! – you will be setting yourself up for the continuing saga
  • Keep emotional language to a minimum – instead of getting personally involved, choose something neutral yet engaged like ‘yes, these things can be so frustrating can’t they’ or ‘I can imagine how you feel’
  • With close friends do not be tempted to make strong statements about other parties especially partners of family members. Once the situation is resolved, you may live to regret these comments.
  • Remove yourself from the conversation politely after you have acknowledged and listened. Also remove yourself from the setting as well if you can for a little while, draw the conversation to a close by physically changing your proximity. Close your your body language and move on.
  • We teach people how to treat us – by what we stop, what we allow and what we reinforce. Sometimes we are unconsciously encouraging people to actually seek us out to spill all their emotional frustrations. We can become more conscious and intentional of what we are allowing and reinforcing and in order that we subtly shift the dynamic and send out a different message. It is possible to do this with empathy and good manners too.

How will I know if I’m experiencing secondhand stress?

Stress is stress, it is a physiological state in our brains and bodies, at a cellular level, whether it is secondhand or our own! No matter how you arrived at this state it will feel the same. Here are some common examples:

  • Raised heart rate, palpitations
  • Sweating
  • Churning stomach
  • Tightness in the chest
  • Loss of appetite – or cravings for high calorie food when it returns!
  • Problems getting to sleep or poor quality sleep
  • Fatigue

However, with secondhand stress we can assume that if we are personally not in the stressful situation, the emotional charge and thus the resulting stress will be less.
We might also find that with stress caused by others, we feel like we want to avoid those individuals who are stressing us out, spend less time with them. Maybe we get nervous about being in their company – Do they become the people whose dates we ‘blow out’ even when we are usually pretty reliable?

Why is this term ‘secondhand stress’ becoming so widespread and talked about?

There is a stress epidemic at the moment, people do not have effective stress strategies, and the neurology of stress can become very well established – literally the neural pathways in the brain and body which put us into stress become so well used, that they become etched like a neurological ‘groove’.
We are creating stress with our thoughts as a result of our ‘triggers’ and years of conditioning. Until we learn new strategies en mass, we will all continue to be stressed, and will ‘catch’ the stress of others.

Are there some strategies to help relieve some of the pressure? How and  why would we implement them?

Yes, all of the below strategies are about us becoming more consciously aware and taking personal responsibility to take actions and make changes in our lives.
What we are ‘conscious’ of, we can begin to have some control and influence over….Whereas what we are ‘unconscious’ to can begin to control us.

Top Tips to Manage ‘Secondhand Stress’

  • Surround yourself with positive people – Begin evaluating the experiences you have with people in your life. Simply decide who makes you feel good, supports you and allows you to feel you can express yourself authentically without having to put on an ‘act’. SPEND MORE TIME WITH THEM!!. Conversely, who causes you stress, judges you, constantly talks about themselves and their issues and doesn’t seem that interested in you and your life? Spend less time with them or eliminate them from your life if you can.
  • Remember you often ( aside from work ) have a choice how you spend your time and WHO you spend it with. Choose wisely – energetically we can pick up on negative emotions just by being in the same room as someone, the human electro magnetic energy field is easily as big as the average room. This energy field transmits the emotional and physiological states of other people and can directly affect our own emotions.
  • Notice the language people use – people who are negative, pessimistic, moaning, judgemental and in a passive ‘victim mode’ can drag us down. Some people have coined the phrase ‘energy vampires’ or ‘toxic friends’….it is definitely worth re-evaluating your friendships and networks and making some tweaks where you can.
  • Create some distance – Creating boundaries and physical distance both work. Physically getting out of the energy field means you are not influenced by the negative and emotionally stressed energy of others. Creating new boundaries and teaching people to expect less of you also works well. Always remember: You TEACH people how to treat you…by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce. Think about how you can handle certain people differently.
  • Take less on – We wear stress and being ‘busy’ like a badge of honour nowadays, it has somehow become a benchmark of success…IT IS NOT! Always ask yourself these questions “Is this working for me?”, “What am I getting out of this that is positive?” and “How is this supporting what is important to me?” – This type of question can help you evaluate and choose what you take on and strike a balance between what is genuinely enriching and important, and what you are doing through duty or obligation or out of fear of what other people might think of you.
  • Focus more on yourself – Many years of conditioning, and early programming from when we are children can cause us to struggle to form healthy boundaries with others which serve us as well as them. The result of this for many people is that they put others first ( which of course we all need to do sometimes ) and themselves last. Often this is linked with low self-esteem, not feeling we deserve to put ourselves at the top of the list and a fear of being judged or becoming unpopular. Actually how I often help clients to re-frame this, is that by looking after ourselves, by giving ourselves time to rest, to exercise, to eat healthily and take breaks and time off, we are investing in ourselves, our health and our ability to be emotionally resilient. By nurturing ourselves we can bring the best of ourselves to our lives, jobs and most importantly our relationships with other.

If you would like any professional support in managing stress, take a look at these pages of my website for all of the information you will need. Or book onto one of my UK Mind Calm Workshops which take place most Saturdays all over the country:

What is it that allows some people to bounce back, and to remain resourceful, positive and inspired despite the chaos of their circumstances or the stress of those around them?
Have you ever wondered how some people just seem to…..

  • Be able to operate in a happy, confident and resourceful way, even when all around them are having an emotional meltdown?
  • Come across as positive and optimistic whilst still living in the real world and facing into the challenges of life?
  • Be highly effective and attract in more of what they want from life?

We might call these people ‘emotionally resourceful’. If we study their habits and strategies, we can learn a lot. Here are some useful habits to adopt if you feel yourself getting bogged down or stuck in a negative cycle.
By beginning to take a new perspective, and to consciously adopt some of these habits for yourself, you may be pleasantly surprised at how quickly you notice changes in your own life.

  • 1. Take responsibility – Emotionally resourceful people don’t mope around feeling sorry for themselves, moaning about how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair, that sometimes they have to accept what they cannot change. We create stress by giving too much focus to what cannot be changed, to what ‘just is’.
  • 2. Understand you have a choice in how you respond – Resourceful individuals don’t have the impression that their emotional experience is controlled by the actions or words of other people. If you notice their language, it will not be passive or in ‘victim mode’ ….eg “My boyfriend takes away my confidence”. They understand that they have control over their own emotions and a choice in how they respond to external events.
  • 3. Embrace change – By welcoming change and being willing to be flexible, we can understand that change is inevitable and believe in our abilities to adapt and to learn life lessons from whatever the universe puts in our path.
  • 4. Choose what gets your attention – We feel what we focus on!! By giving the lost luggage, traffic jams or the annoying colleague our attention we encourage our feelings of anger, frustration or upset. Instead, an emotionally resourceful person will focus on what they can control in their lives. They also recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can really be in command of is their attitude and response to a situation.
  • 5. Be OK with people not liking you – Resourceful types recognize that they don’t need to please everyone all the time. They’re not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary. Whilst setting a clear intention to be kind and fair, they accept other people being upset and are able to form healthy boundaries in relationships which work for them rather than having them feeling used and trampled by the neediness of others.
  • 6. Take risks – Resourceful people are playful, and they realize life is an ongoing experiment from which we can keep learning lessons. When we lose our ‘over-attachment’ to ‘getting it right’, we free ourselves up from that old paralyzing analysis of what might go wrong. By taking risks, we take more action. By taking action we learn more and make more impact on our lives and others.
  • 7. Live in the present – The present is the only moment that you can experience anything directly. The mind, where we do our thinking, is only a ‘thinking about’ tool. By dwelling on past regrets or mistakes, or predicting the future, we sometimes become lost in thinking, and one step removed from the present moment. Emotionally resourceful people show up in the moment, take it in through their senses, and take part. Through showing up for the full experience of the present moment, we also remember and recall more.
  • 8. Do something different – If emotionally resourceful people are not getting the results they want, they dare to take a new action…”If you keep on doing what you’ve been doing – you will keep getting what you’ve been getting”. By accepting responsibility for our behavior and learning from past mistakes, we are less likely to keep repeating those mistakes over and over. Instead we can move on more freely and make better decisions and choices in the future.
  • 9. Teach people how to treat you – The resourceful person will teach others how to treat them. We are unconsciously teaching people how to treat us all the time – through what we stop, what we allow and what we reinforce. We can begin to be more conscious and intentional with what we are stopping and allowing, and gradually we form new dynamics and healthy boundaries with those around us.
  • 10. Know there’s no such thing as failure – What is failure? Look at all those examples of highly successful people who ‘failed’ many, many times before they hit their formula for success. Resourceful people do not view failure as a reason to give up. Instead, they use what some might term ‘failure’ as simply feedback.  Through allowing and accepting feedback in all it’s forms, we can expand our opportunities to learn, grow and improve. We can adopt a more innocent approach from which we continue to have ideas, make plans and take actions until we find our groove and our own personal recipe for success.
  • 11. Enjoy your own company – Resourceful people are just as happy alone as they are with a group. They embrace silence and stillness and use downtime to be productive. By enjoying our own company, we are less dependent on the companionship and entertainment from others to ‘make’ us feel good. Instead we become emotionally self-sufficient and independent.
  • 12. Know the world doesn’t owe you a favour – Emotionally resourceful people don’t feel entitled to things in life, they don’t adopt that mentality that others should take care of them or that the world owes them. If we begin looking for opportunities based on our own merits we can feel perfectly OK and satisfied with less expectation of others. This can free us up from eternal frustration and disappointment.


© 2009 – 2019 | Webdesign by ZenCreativ | Privacy Policy