Do you have some habits you want to be free from?
When clients come in to my clinics to talk about what they want to resolve or change, many of them want to fix an addiction or a dependency which has come to take over their lives and certainly takes over their thoughts. They are in battle, in their heads, daily…This is draining, emotionally and physically.
Whether the specifics are over-eating, chocolate and cake addiction, bingo ge eating, recreational drug use, alcohol dependency or smoking, the individual content is not so relevant, what is common to all is a struggle which the client feels victim to, and too ‘weak’ to beat. Because people feel weak and powerless, they judge themselves very harshly, and compare themselves to all the other ‘perfect’ people out there who seem to be getting it so right, so easily…
This self judgment makes them feel even worse, and locks them into a cycle of feeling even more of the bad and uncomfortable feelings which they feel the need to ‘soothe and comfort’ with alcohol, food or drugs in the first place.
Is it about strength and willpower?
It’s very interesting that in the first session, when I ask how clients want to think and feel, instead of how they are used to feeling, they always focus on needing strength, control and willpower. If they have a good dollop of that, then they will be fine.
I remind them that the question refers to what they really want for themselves, for the future, for when this issue is FULLY resolved.
I also ask them what does their language imply?
If we need ‘strength, control and willpower’ then surely this implies there is still some sort of a battle to be fought, a struggle to be overcome, that at the very least it is going to be hard.
Resolving issues at the emotional root
On this I speak first hand, as well from what I see with my clients. What appears to be the issue is only a symptom. The habit or dependency is only the way you choose to soothe, comfort or avoid. That which requires comfort and soothing, that unwanted emotion underneath it all is the next layer down.
Somewhere underneath that emotion is where it all started, the scar from the first cut of the original emotional wound.
The wound and what caused it is the emotional root, and this is where we work.
Shedding the skin
Once the real issues are resolved at their root cause, all that is left is a neurological ‘shadow’, a fragile layer of skin waiting for its time to come to the surface.
When the time is right, as it did with me, that layer simply falls away like the most natural process you can imagine.
The definition of ‘shed’: “To lose by a natural process” – or – “To rid oneself of something not wanted or needed”
At this point, when this cognitive shift takes place, I sometimes ask clients ‘what about all that control and willpower you thought you needed?’……
I offer courses of 4 or 6 sessions in my private clinics in London, Cheshire or over skype, following an initial free consultation.
All courses are a bespoke and integrative blend of therapy and coaching modalities which primarily work throughout a lowered brainwave state, which allows access to the most useful subconscious programming, in the most effective state for deep therapeutic change.
Find me on WWW.LISABARDELLCOACHING.CO.UK