Stop the dance…Teach people how to treat you

Have you ever been aware of patterns in how people seem to treat you?

Do you know people who seem to attract a certain kind of attitude, feedback or treatment from others, with reliable frequency? Maybe it’s you? It could be that you notice people smile, say thank you, warm to you – pay you compliments, offer to help you, invite you out?
On the other hand maybe you notice people are rude, short tempered, blow you out, load you with work, ignore you or speak over you?
Let’s face it there are all kinds of people in the world, and we are bound to know a variety. We can’t control other people, so for the most part I would suggest a peaceful acceptance of others just as they are is the most supportive place to come from.
However, that said, sometimes if we are consistently noticing the same themes, or we are in constant contact with someone and the dynamic is distracting, disruptive or undermining, it is worth looking at it with fresh eyes with the intention of influencing a change.

We teach people how to treat us

I’m not suggesting for a moment that we bring on all negative behaviour ourselves. What I am saying though, is that we can make subtle tweaks and adjustments in our own emotional states, responses and actions in order to change or influence a relationship dynamic for the better.
Once a dynamic has formed, both parties are in it, unwittingly partnering the other – like a dance. One partner might be desperate to get off the dance floor, but the dance is not going to stop until you stop it. Or change until you change it.
We teach people how to treat us by what we

  • STOP

Without being consciously aware of it, we might actually be encouraging and supporting the behaviour we are upset by.
Play with tweaking what you are stopping, not stopping – allowing, not allowing – reinforcing, not reinforcing. Become more aware of your own responses, obvious and subtle, and you may surprise yourself how easily you notice a difference in the other person.
My clients are often amazed at the rapid and very noticeable differences in those around them from making a few small conscious changes in themselves.
For career, relationship or confidence coaching I offer courses of 4 or 6 sessions from my private clinics in Cheshire, London or over Skype. You will find all you need on:

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